On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
