Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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