Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
