You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
