I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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