i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
