Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
