I just saw a hot homeless man
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize