Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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