No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
