kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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