i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I understand Curling. That high.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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