i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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