There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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