in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
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My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
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My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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