I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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