my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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