I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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