i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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