just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
