At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
