Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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