We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
