I will die if light touches me.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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