i don't like sucking hair
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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