Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
