I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
