One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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