i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
