Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
