i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
