I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
