I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
