I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
