standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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