I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
