hotel room ftw
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
