Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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