I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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