Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We had sex on a dog bed..
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
