how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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