we have pet lesbian snakes
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
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This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
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I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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