I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
