she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
