we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
