The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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