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in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
