hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
