guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
