"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
