This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
