everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
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im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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