Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
