Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
