I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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