none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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