She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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