Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
