Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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