I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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