I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
