No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize